livin' in grand central station

so, it turns out that making the promise to myself, that this would be a really good year totally backfired and jinxed everything. within the first month I let Cleo slip past the door, and in front of a car. It's been so fucking painful... i wish the dog had been mine at least, so I could actually grive the loss and not worry about the guilt towards Josh. But... truth is, I loved that dog as much as Josh did... I miss her so much!!! In a couple of months she became so attached to us. I still can't believe what happened. It seems like a dream. It sucked so bad having Josh's mom attack me for "killing" the dog.... slowly but surely things are getting back to normal, but they are not the way the used to be!

man, i'm def in a darker place tonight... grrr, i was so angry earlier... since then I've smoked a little pot and i'm alright now... but if I didn't have to do that I'd be on my way to Orlando, and I'd be supporting my big diet man Mark :-). I just can't be pushed... alright, another drink, some ramen noodle egg drop and then I'll be ready for bed. I love you mark!!!!!