chelsea

happy birthday chelsea. i hope you find a way to stay true to yourself, never take love for granted, and always be the most critical judge of your own life!!

bloody druggy porn-star!

Aaaaah, perfect day for my talk-shit blog... that's what i should rename it to, since the only times I ever seem to post, is when I have something to bitch about haha. anyways.... 2 days off, so shouldn't complain too much, but fuck!!!

i get off last night, after that fucking fajita night, only to jump in the car and make the 2 hour drive to my man's house in O-town. there i'm greeted by my handsome, slightly cranky tired boyfriend who is immediately off to bed, leaving me to my own devices (thank god for tivo). then after a great night of snuggles and mark-smells i wake up, ready to enjoy my weekend (the usually thursday and friday off routine). Anyways.... I'm in a really shitty mood. I wanted to run some errands, pick up some beer, maybe some wine for mark, and have mark's little dog tag along. the next thing is a blur of frustration... i got kicked out of a gas station for that 5 gram dog, then the sales clerk at the gas station told me i was rude (she THOUGHT i took my ID back a little to roughly) and then mark wasn't happy with the bottle of wine i picked up for him. fuck orlando today!!! this seriously makes me never want to drive up here after working wed ever again!

UPDATE: Man just called to apologize, and wishing me a better day, so I feel much better :-) So, i'm a total Lady Gaga fan, and I know it's gay and predictable, but she is fucking amazing!! I've been listening to her new CD wish is only 8 songs, but every song is incredible... not a single filler, every song is rich fun and has incredible depth. One song "so happy i could die" is about the process of living, and the things that throw you off balance, and the importance of focus... "i am as vain as I allow. I do my hair, I gloss my eyes, i touch myself all through the night. and when something falls out of place, i take my time, i put it back, i touch myself till i'm on-track." this line gave me the chilllbrrrs! i like to touch myself and all, but i thought it was more a reference to becoming back in-touch with oneself. anyways... it's true... one can only be as vain as one allows. Uuuuuh, major realization... this album gives off such a strong, centered, Buddhism like vibe, it's crazy!!

FUCK, i love good pop! (In her words) not the platinum blond LA pop, but rather the andy warhol blond NY pop! Almost as much as I like really kinky, and sick gay porn! I've been watching so much porn over the years that i'm so desensitized... always looking for something more sexually extreme and perverse. that's my only explanation/excuse... the porn that i watch is so far from what I would ever get into lol. I like to compare it to watching horror movies. After seeing so much blood and guts, directors always have to come up with sicker shit... same for me with porn :-) just seen too many dicks in ass!

Ok, this went a little off track, but oh well. I better focus my energy towards rolling a big fatty. Ah before I do that I shall post Lady Gaga's bad romance... great pop video about being drugged and sold into sex-slavery! Also if anyone reads this out there... if you're having a tough day, check out Teeth!!! Everytime i hear that song i wanna put a raizorblade behind my teeth, put on war paint, and beat up a gang member or 2 ;-)

lave love luve

oh boy, what a fucking week. I really miss my boyfriend... oh man... horny and no mark for almost 2 weeks. can't wait to see him again :-) I'm writing right now, because my satellite decided to take a break, in the middle of kathy griffin's bravo special:"balls to the walls!" and it's pretty fucking funny. I'm getting a little burnt out on that woman, after her book, and all them other specials, but still beats a lot of the shit that's out there now.

Soooo, a few weeks back I checked a really old old email account of mine from like 1997, and came across this older dude I dated when i was 14-15, living in germany... so fucking weird, illegal and WEIRD!!! He actually pops into my mind from time to time, and I just try to remember what kind of person he was. back then I thought I was mature, smart, and all the good stuff... but he had about 15 years on me, and I was fucking 14!!!! So, I guess I can't really decide how I feel about it. I sometimes wonder if it fucked me up mentally in some weird indirect way (I doubt it, but who knows...). anyways, I came across his email, and all he sent me was a link to some weirdo vacation albums... I remembered him, but still couldn't picture his personality... it was crazy bizarre, but entertaining, and a freak blast from the past. Then today I check that email account and somehow he knew that I had looked at his email (some program where you can track who actually followed up on your emails), and called me out on it... he also went on to ask about my life, and how things hat turned out for me. Immediately I remembered how stalkerish he was... if i remember correctly he even talked about wanting to meet my parents (yup, at 14). I always felt out-smarted by him. As if I didn't know anything about him, yet he knew me more than I knew myself. He always played weird mind-games, which I always lost lol. Anways, the only personal thing I remember about him was that he gave me this book, called "der Steppenwolf," which is "the dessert-wolf" or something along those lines... and it was about this guy who lived his life in secrecy and seclusion. In the response email I asked him about that book, and why he gave it to me. Was it some insight into his own life? Bizzarro... anyways, curious to read the response.

Ah, I think my cable came back on. time for a little stem-bowl, and maybe a beer before bed :-)