salmon clubs and jesus people

i have this blog set up in such a great way... getting to this page is always an event for me :-) I go to safari, open a new page, and pop, it shows right up... then i see all my drunken white letters on black and 'heads will roll' starts playing. never a dull way to begin writing, except while I type the words "off with his head" keep making it into my brain.

I just finished watching 'whip it,' and almost made my way to wal-mart to by some roller skates. then i remembered the wal-mart skateboard that only made it out a couple of times, and has since been converted to the official garage box mover, and decid

ed to stay in a pour myself another absolute and diet coke (nothing wrong with vodka and diet, it's called a skinny bitch :-)). Lol, that was a serious run-on sentence.

anyways, i also realized that all the best conversations and discussions i've been having lately have been with myself, in my own head... that can't be good. whenever people tell me something like that I always think that it's because they just don't care to listen to other thoughts and are too self-absorbed, but I truly haven't been around any stimulation conversation... oh and stimulating conversation does no longer involve politics, or religion!!! those are two subjects I will lose my hard-on over every single time now. EVERYONE always wants to talk about those two, and while I appreciate their interest in what's going on in the world, fuck you!!! I've had those conversations a milli

on times, so by now I've pretty much decided how I feel. Plus, I really feel weird being server and explaining to people why free healthcare is important... makes me feel like a stereotype lol. It's kinda like being a god-less German... another stereotype I've been a part of many times. Argh, I can't wait for Mark to come home and see how drunk I got while he was at work. Before making judgment, anyone else who could see this place, in which I spend all day between a laptop and a television, would reach for the vodka too. I just feel bad since Mark is on his diet trip, and I drank up a storm today... uuuh in a really shameful way this just reminded me of that chocolate filled pastry sugary thing I picked up from panera today... good time to stop!

livin' in grand central station

so, it turns out that making the promise to myself, that this would be a really good year totally backfired and jinxed everything. within the first month I let Cleo slip past the door, and in front of a car. It's been so fucking painful... i wish the dog had been mine at least, so I could actually grive the loss and not worry about the guilt towards Josh. But... truth is, I loved that dog as much as Josh did... I miss her so much!!! In a couple of months she became so attached to us. I still can't believe what happened. It seems like a dream. It sucked so bad having Josh's mom attack me for "killing" the dog.... slowly but surely things are getting back to normal, but they are not the way the used to be!

man, i'm def in a darker place tonight... grrr, i was so angry earlier... since then I've smoked a little pot and i'm alright now... but if I didn't have to do that I'd be on my way to Orlando, and I'd be supporting my big diet man Mark :-). I just can't be pushed... alright, another drink, some ramen noodle egg drop and then I'll be ready for bed. I love you mark!!!!!

i hate you

good morning 2010. well, it's not really morning anymore, almost noon, but oh well. for the past 2 months i've been coming onto this site, writing a few lines, and then deciding not to post. still haven't really decided why i was doing that... who knows, this might not make it up. excuse me stoner rambledable haha. oh, and i just came up with a decent excuse for not posting... just noticed my music playlist had no music on it... who wants to post without music??!

This year has already been much more creative than last year... I think I'm finally finding a healthy balance between freaking out about everything, and between spending time in creative fantasy fun land haha. Throughout february i developed a crazy fascination with really violent movie... i watched everything from a clockwork orange, to requiem for a dream, to kids, and hostel. it's crazy how people use violence to express so many different things. for this month i'm def all violenced out!!

Lol, i just felt the sudden urge to log out of here and turn my laptop off... must resist!!

I love love love bicycle race by queen... i need to make a point to get to know that band better... I love freddie mercury and have seen 'break free' a million times, youtube time to watch some interviews. i always wished i had the balls to express myself in a really extreme way like a leotard and drag, but... yea, lots of effort, plus then you gotta act the part n be all crazy argh... yucky pooh. i can only embrace my feminine side in small doses. plus, feeling masculine turns me on ;-) <2> later... oh boy the distractions... that Sean Fain is really funny!! Argh, need to shower and make my way to the bank and pay rent. Better be off.

Here we go... oh boy, can't believe i'm about to post this shit...