FUCK YOU very very much!

i could say that I always will be there for you, but that would be a lie. People say these things (usually in their teens or 20s), but it's ok for that not to be true... first of all, when you say it, you mean it, in the moment at least. It's also ok that people grow up, they grow out of relationships, or for whatever reason people just take paths that might not cross as often, or never again. 

I'm learning a bit of a lesson, and it's a gay one, but it's one none the less important! You can't force a friendship. A relationship ends up where it wants to, you can say "we should be better friends," mean it, never meet again, and it's cool! 

You should never tell a person, "please, you have to make this work." or "You have to be supportive, because I need you to." People will do what feels natural, and what they feel is appropriate. So yea, since you've been gone, I feel like I've lost a chip on my shoulder... I know that's harsh, but it's the truth friend. Since we haven't gotten along, it's because I've grown up. I look at you Amanda and I can tell something doesn't feel right about your situation. You're thinking "how did I get here?" and you're wondering why you made the decision you did. I think that you look at me, and you know I'm the only person that sees it. I think that you deflect your emotions, and blame me for the falling apart of our friendship, because everyone needs an outlet. I would have been there for you, but I can't be, because you can't see what is important in life, and you don't know how to fight for the things that are worth fighting for. You could have easily conserved my trust, if you were willing to listen (to me and yourself). Instead you chose to take the easy rout, and blame me for your mistakes. Although I love you, and will always be there for you if you can ask, but I don't see how you could regain my trust. 

All things I can't say to anyone (because you can't listen, or they are sick of hearing about it).

"Dear Patrick. I watched a movie the other day... It was about two friends who are fighting during the most important time in their lives. That is us! Can't you just be there for me and be supportive?"

Ok, that was a fraction of what I didn't want to say to anyone, but that I needed to sort out, mu ch better.

Ok, so now... Every 6 months or so I make a trip to the porn store to restock on my favorite lube ( Wet Platinum, I know it's silicone based, so you shouldn't use it with condoms, but there is a reason why people prefer silicone based lube... feels like silk on your cock, so it's perfect to jerk off with lol). Ah, i know, TMI, fuck it, Chimee can handle it, if she even gets to this part after all the rambling! But anyways, there I am this morning, pulling into the parking lot, and there I see my sick fucking molestor dude, coming out of the video, dirty, sex hookup area... OMG, i thought I was gonna fucking die, thank god he couldn't see me lol. He was coming out, and I was still in my car, and I even had to wave him out of his parking lot from my car... thank god for tinted windows, and me wrecking my jeep :-) I should have taken a picture, so I could remind myself of how sad and evil he looked, all eaten up from drugs... yuck!! Was a nice reinforcement that what happened wasn't in my head, but that he's really that fucking evil and desperate. 

Man, this wasn't a happy post at all. But yea, HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!!!!