Iron Man

Man, it's been a while (as always). I'm currently sitting on my bed, stoned, having a high life, 'my life on the d-list' in the background, while re-playing the events of the evening over and over in my head :-). No major events, just my recent decision to keep my iPod in my car on shuffel, and rediscovering some cool ass old school music... such as Andre 3000 and Kelis's Dracula's Wedding... "give me the chance, to dance romance, don't run I'm not the sun! So much at stake, bad choice of words, because I'm not the gun." brilliant. Plus, I realized that my favorite song of all times must be 'iron man' by The Cardigans. Mainly since this is the 3rd time I've made that reference while blogging. Oh good times. Oh man, I'm sitting on my bed right now, and I can still smell my man on my sheets... best smell ever :-) Just imagining snuggling up with him in these sheets makes me feel so much more at home! Fuck... cheesy cheesy deezy! The song 'iron man' really reminds me of my boyfriend by the way... very cool.

End it before it starts

Ummm, ok, ever since my last post it's been in the back of my head, that THAT was still my last post lol, and.... well, no good!

Anyways, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MARK!!! My man turned 27 today, and I can't wait to see him tomorrow night... now all I need is a great birthday gift... fuck, butt-plug, porn, digital camera... I simply can't decide. Argh.... I just need to remember how much I HATE getting gift certificates to lame stuff.

Soooo, god, I really don't wanna get into any psychological crap right now about what's going on in my brain, the drug shit was a little blown out of proportion, and kinda weird.... so I'm not really reading into it. Plus it's really killing my stoned state, so yea. I think I'm gonna and this post there :-)

Back to black

Oh bummer... last week started off so well. Thursday we had the ultimate beach day at Cody's, then Mark surprised me with a little visit from Orlando on Friday, and then saturday things started getting a little sour. After work I got run into by one of the regulars... after convincing me not to call the cops, and him trying to tell me that we were both at fault, I just left in frustration. I can't believe I let all these fuckers talk me into him just paying for the repairs... great. Sunday I just tried to focus on my day off, and some good relaxing time with Mark... again, all is fucking amazing, until Josh gets home and finds it necessary to tell me that people at work at concerned with me, and that people think I do drugs.... oh bliss. I guess it's another one of those lessons.... I've been saying that I'm gonna try hard to look past opinions people have of me, and focus on what I believe is good. So I guess it's exam time lol. As long as the managers and my buddies don't believe that, oh well. 

Ok, so Josh was trying to make me feel better about it, telling me that these people were truly concerned about me. I've really been trying to watch my temper at work. I do really well at my tables, run food, and keep up on my side-work. I'm never late, and rarely call in.... These people just need to accept the fact that I'm a dick to them because they're not pulling their weight, and I'm tired of doing the work for people who don't care about the job we're doing. Ever since this, I've been trying to just come to work, stay to myself, and make so

me money. I guess trying to encourage professionalism can easily be misconstrued as me having a drug problem lol. Ah, this sucks sucks sucks... I never wanted to be that person at work, and I guess now I am. If someone genuinely cared about my well being, why jump straight to drug-use?? What ever happened to asking someone genuinely if everything is ok???!

Alright, I need to get this show on the road, and get ready for work... this should be interesting... ah, I need to make sure not to take anything of this out on Josh... I appreciate him trying to look out for me, but I have a feeling, knowing his cravings for sensationalism, that he probably part-took in some of these weirdo talk.

Oh and weed is not a drug!!!!

little lady in the middle...

Oh man, I'm having such a bad-ass late-night, post-work time :-) I dug out an old collection of burned CDs from my St. Louis days... even then I had God's music taste... phenomenal!!!! I don't even remember the names of the songs and artists anymore, just the lyrics hehe. 

So, my brain has been back on a downward spiral, so I've decided that it's just my flaw... my sensitivity I guess. My thoughts have really been worrying me... they get to a point where I have to tell myself to "Stop!!! It's just not that important and you're reading into it too much," almost like a kind of paranoia. 

I really need to call Emily. For some reason I've been avoiding calling her... I just haven't felt like we've had much to say to each other the last few times, mmmh, need to call her, and talk about it, not on here... tomorrow! 

Finally I met a guy who is just like me :-) Mr Mark!!! My age, my jokes, my boundaries, and he's VERSATILE, yay!!!!!! lol

I better stop right there ;-)

Why u ask if yo don't give a shit?

Oh fuck, i've been loving 2009!!! So far I feel like I've really been in control of things... i donno, i guess that's a weird statement. But for now, accepting my life as a server and working shit loads has been great... I always have money left over, and my big mountain of loans is finally melting! I should be sleeping right. Big double tomorrow, plus I'm in charge of enlish muffins... grand, just fucking grand. Yuck... and I think I'm getting a genuine cold YUCK!!! Thanx to Scotty for sharing his joint anyways... he's a good man that scotty.

So yea... I'm not in love... thought I was, but things didn't really work out the way I hoped them to work out. I really need to make sure that before I start dating, the dudes meet some basic standards. 

Tonight I met the man... the man I've always wanted to meet. He discribed himself as bi-polar, which he blamed most of his past interactions with servers for... but yea.... the asshole customer, who was willing to explain to me, why he was an asshole... I feel so enlightened :-) I even yelled at him, and told him he was crazy... plus he needs to stop using his bi-polar disorder as an excuse to be an ass. But yea, at the end I told him, the next time I saw him in my restaurant, I would give him a big, heartfelt, genuine hug, and he better take it!!!

Alright, time for fucking bed... my throat is so fucking scratchy... :-( I wish I didn't have to work this fucker.

LOVEandSEXandMagic

" When I say jump,  you say: 'how high?'I aint never seen nobody ever get so high. Like a bird, like plain, this party aldi insane! This party aldi insane! So I say jump jump jump jump!!" Lol, I'm so pleased to find that life is just as dificult, even more so to some (including me) to work a set schedule, which u need to cover dem bills. Actually, being in school is much simpler, and structured. Being out in the real world can be so sobering... good thing that it takes alot to sober me up ;-) I'm a dreamer, what can I say :-D

Ok, I keep losing track, because my dumb ass tivo never recorded the bad girls club reunion. That means, that for tonight, I have nothing to live for, so yup: Bed time!!! 

Crazy for You

Man oh man. I think I'm falling in love :-) Anyways. Things have really been falling into place lately. I'm so glad I'm taking this time to myself. I feel like I'm really growing into my limits, boundaries, and my true needs. I honestly couldn't be more satisfied with my place in life right now, and that has nothing to do with all the ass I'm getting.