Salmon, Filet, and xtra Salad

happy tuesday. the second day of the week... a second chance for a decent day :-) I just got off the phone with Cassy and she always know how to take my mind off of things. She is really into meditating, and just listening to her being able to push energy back and forth, make stuff warm and cold, and to make colors spurt out of your chest with your orgasm... all sounds really interesting. She referenced some book about the female orgasm. Apparently there is one on the male orgasm... all in all pretty interesting. Improving my orgasm doesn't really fall under one of my top priorities... maybe this is my problem!!! Ok, improving my orgasm just moved to the top of the list, see how easy that was?!

Yesterday Miss Cowen died... I loved that lady. I've been waiting on her, her husband and son for almost 4 years, and and the incredible age of 94 she passed. Allen and his father came in after her wake, and as soon as I saw her missing I knew... :-( But I guess 94 years is a pretty incredible run!

Fierce People

today i was handed a big fucking cup of humility, when I had to accept Judith's offer to pass on rent this month, I had to borrow 100 bucks from Sabine to avoid overdraft fees, and another 10 bucks from Cassy to avoid them again... oh and that $500 min payment waiting at the end of October... what the fuck happened?

right?!?

Lol, I was just watching an interview with the pet-shop boys (spelling?!?) and they were asked this question: What is the most beautiful thing in the world? and i thought about it, and I decided!!! The most beautiful thing is the feeling of completion! tricky though... pet-shop boys gave some lame-ass answer no-one would ever give a shit about btw ;-) Grrrrr, so deep I am. no wonder I'm a server!!!

nasty

i need someone to look up to... i really do!

Iron Man

Man, it's been a while (as always). I'm currently sitting on my bed, stoned, having a high life, 'my life on the d-list' in the background, while re-playing the events of the evening over and over in my head :-). No major events, just my recent decision to keep my iPod in my car on shuffel, and rediscovering some cool ass old school music... such as Andre 3000 and Kelis's Dracula's Wedding... "give me the chance, to dance romance, don't run I'm not the sun! So much at stake, bad choice of words, because I'm not the gun." brilliant. Plus, I realized that my favorite song of all times must be 'iron man' by The Cardigans. Mainly since this is the 3rd time I've made that reference while blogging. Oh good times. Oh man, I'm sitting on my bed right now, and I can still smell my man on my sheets... best smell ever :-) Just imagining snuggling up with him in these sheets makes me feel so much more at home! Fuck... cheesy cheesy deezy! The song 'iron man' really reminds me of my boyfriend by the way... very cool.

End it before it starts

Ummm, ok, ever since my last post it's been in the back of my head, that THAT was still my last post lol, and.... well, no good!

Anyways, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MARK!!! My man turned 27 today, and I can't wait to see him tomorrow night... now all I need is a great birthday gift... fuck, butt-plug, porn, digital camera... I simply can't decide. Argh.... I just need to remember how much I HATE getting gift certificates to lame stuff.

Soooo, god, I really don't wanna get into any psychological crap right now about what's going on in my brain, the drug shit was a little blown out of proportion, and kinda weird.... so I'm not really reading into it. Plus it's really killing my stoned state, so yea. I think I'm gonna and this post there :-)

Back to black

Oh bummer... last week started off so well. Thursday we had the ultimate beach day at Cody's, then Mark surprised me with a little visit from Orlando on Friday, and then saturday things started getting a little sour. After work I got run into by one of the regulars... after convincing me not to call the cops, and him trying to tell me that we were both at fault, I just left in frustration. I can't believe I let all these fuckers talk me into him just paying for the repairs... great. Sunday I just tried to focus on my day off, and some good relaxing time with Mark... again, all is fucking amazing, until Josh gets home and finds it necessary to tell me that people at work at concerned with me, and that people think I do drugs.... oh bliss. I guess it's another one of those lessons.... I've been saying that I'm gonna try hard to look past opinions people have of me, and focus on what I believe is good. So I guess it's exam time lol. As long as the managers and my buddies don't believe that, oh well. 

Ok, so Josh was trying to make me feel better about it, telling me that these people were truly concerned about me. I've really been trying to watch my temper at work. I do really well at my tables, run food, and keep up on my side-work. I'm never late, and rarely call in.... These people just need to accept the fact that I'm a dick to them because they're not pulling their weight, and I'm tired of doing the work for people who don't care about the job we're doing. Ever since this, I've been trying to just come to work, stay to myself, and make so

me money. I guess trying to encourage professionalism can easily be misconstrued as me having a drug problem lol. Ah, this sucks sucks sucks... I never wanted to be that person at work, and I guess now I am. If someone genuinely cared about my well being, why jump straight to drug-use?? What ever happened to asking someone genuinely if everything is ok???!

Alright, I need to get this show on the road, and get ready for work... this should be interesting... ah, I need to make sure not to take anything of this out on Josh... I appreciate him trying to look out for me, but I have a feeling, knowing his cravings for sensationalism, that he probably part-took in some of these weirdo talk.

Oh and weed is not a drug!!!!